Street Wisdom

The homeless StreetWise Lady swears to me that she’s an expert on erectile dysfunction. She describes the amino acid L-Arginine, tells me the key to a good boner is plenty of nitric oxide buildup, tells me she learned all this stuff from her late husband. She grabs me by the arm and pulls me halfway into Guess and says, “Ginkgo biloba will make your corpus cavernosum see the greatest flood since Noah.”

We call her the StreetWise Lady because she stands at the corner of Michigan and Ohio all day and vends the StreetWise magazine. She doesn’t have a nose, either because of a fire accident or a vicious dog mauling, and I want to joke that she’s physically incapable of smelling her own bullshit, but 1) we’re in public and 2) I feel compelled to run into Walgreens ASAP.