The Uncle Named Fuck

I have an uncle named Fuck. Actually it’s “Phuc”—it’s a real name, a Vietnamese name—but we’re going to call him Fuck today. I always wonder what normal red-blooded Americans must think. How do his neighbors not laugh when he introduces himself by extending his hand to shake theirs and saying, “Hi, I’m Fuck Nguyen… how the hell are ya?” Or: “Hi, I’m Fuck. And this is my wife, Shit.” That’s not really her first name, not even close, but just imagine how much more awesome that would be. Sometimes when I’m in need of a smile I imagine a parallel universe where a frustrated office manager cusses at the top of his lungs, and then a subservient version of my uncle comes running in like, “Yes, Boss?”

In San Jose I’ve also got an uncle named Dung. I am not lying about this.