Still Noise
F: I’m intrigued by your endgame.
M: Endgame?
F: I think you have a plan.
M: Nope.
F: Then why would you announce your retirement from blogging after five years, only to come back less than a week later and start posting random pictures of hot girls on your site, and then put up a nearly blank page with invisible text and other Easter Eggs?
M: Maybe I enjoy tormenting the world. That thing with the hot girls, by the way, came from Kanye West’s blog. He’ll occasionally post a photo of some babe with a speech bubble that says “Where are you Yeezy???” It’s a reference from “Flashing Lights.”
F: I don’t know what you see in Campbell Brown.
M: Me neither. Her head wobbles too much when she talks, yet she makes me so wet.
F: So what have you been doing in your free time?
M: Reading. Working on The Great American You-know-what.
F: Isn’t that what you always do?
M: Sometimes people read in order to find someone out there who agrees with them. And sometimes people write because they can't find anyone out there who agrees with them.
F: So much angst! Your favorite movies must be American Beauty and Garden State.
M: What if I told you that I am returning to blogging?
F:
M: But it won’t be like before. It will be a stripped down, back-to-basics approach to my writing. People won’t come here looking for pictures of what I did over the weekend. Everything will be vague. It’s going to be less derivative, more self-indulgent. It will not be a diary. It will be topical. Any stories of my life will not be posted in chronological order. Lowbrow potty humor will persist, but the prose will be more pretentious. It will be overwritten and confusing. It will only offer limited glimpses into my psyche.
F:
M: Georgia font will dominate the overall look and feel. Readers will not have the ability to leave comments.
F:
M: It will be updated sporadically. Classic posts from before The Purge may be brought back, but they will be digitally remastered.
F:
M: You there?
F: Is this conversation really happening?
M: This conversation is not really happening. It’s purely a product of my imagination and is designed for the purpose of announcing my triumphant return. I’m putting myself back on the map, like Dre did when he dropped 2001, except I never truly left in the first place. I’m still noise.