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So you're wondering why I'm not there? You think I don't care, that I'm just all fun and games, wired so that all emotions are muted? Chart me on an oscilloscope and all you see is a calm green line, making arcs and jags so subtle they barely register? Kind of like, you know if the Earth was the size of a billiard ball that you could hold in your hand, it'd feel just like one: perfectly smooth, no sharp points in the Himalayas, no grooves in northwest Arizona? Because the highs and lows of the world get reduced to absolute evenness when you're touching them from that far away?

I think about what she's going through right now in that hospital, and I'm trying to find those points and grooves. I want to feel it. I want them to hurt. But sometimes it's only when the world is a billiard ball that people can truly cry.