In the news

I was approached here at work today by some people who make a monthly video about company news and happenings, and it's like a fake news program sort of thing, and although they typically interview new hires as part of it, somehow they're doing a piece on me. And so anyway the interviewer likes to write funny little scripts to liven things up, and I just had to look at him with pity as visions of the various home movies I'd worked on flashed through my head: me running around a park in full-body armor, brandishing a sawed-off shotgun; me filming a three-way sex scene involving an ex-girlfriend's stuffed animals; me, covered in fake blood, dancing with a steel-drum band in the middle of a crowd of confused tourists; me staring straight into the camera in night-vision mode and oozing toothpaste out the sides of my mouth, etc. So it should be a real hoot. I'm looking forward to it.