I call it a team building activity

This morning in the shower while loofahing vigorously, I thought about maybe getting drunk at work. One of my bosses at an internship during college always kept a handle of Absolut under her desk -- vodka which I'd used to euthanize our dying office goldfish, where "euthanize" meant, in this case, sending the fish into violent paroxysms of agony instead of the quick, painless death that our in-house fish "expert" had promised -- and I always thought that was a good office supply to have in stock.

I know going out for ten-martini lunches is perfectly acceptable behavior, and I've certainly been drunk at work before thanks to afternoon holiday parties or the like ("No, you have a dangerously lax attitude toward your work that will -- SHUT UP! -- that will result in your immediate termination," etcetera), but I've never poured myself a nice shot or two right here at my desk.

I was thinking I could camouflage it the way a real alcoholic would, maybe sneak in a flask to spice up the morning coffee I don't drink, but then I was all: Why bother? Get a cocktail shaker, whip up something with some Bourbon in it, lurch against a cubicle wall and chit chat with the neighbors. It brings people together, you know? Meetings are funnier, irritating habits become endearing, and blogging on company time suddenly makes you feel better about your life and the state of humanity rather than worse. I've been sitting here pondering it and honestly? I can't think of a single drawback.