An incomplete list of celebrity encounters

Jude Law at a French bistro in Manhattan, eating by himself.

Will Smith filming The Last First Kiss, which eventually became called Hitch. Friendly as advertised, but looked bothered whenever horny women screamed, "You can do better than Jada!"

At a taping of the Late Show with David Letterman, Letterman asked Breckin Meyer what his first acting job was. "Oh, God, it was this TV show called Potato Head Kids that no one saw." He glanced into the faceless audience and asked: "Anybody here see it?" I cried out "Yaaaaaaay!" since I'd watched it a few times as a kid, and he said: "Great. One person."

The pre-Fergie Black Eyed Peas, who were the opening act at the Wyclef Jean concert. They were visibly high when I shook hands with them.

To everyone's giddy surprise, Charlton Heston came into my high school history class after we had just finished watching Ben-Hur. I raised my hand and asked him to give us a "LET MY PEOPLE GO." He graciously declined my request.

Bill Clinton's book signing at a Barnes & Noble on 6th Street in Manhattan. The six hours spent in a line meandering through four city blocks, in the rain, were only worth it because of banter with enthusiastic democrats. Oddly enough, a third of the people in line were teenage girls.

Shane, from MTV's Road Rules: Campus Crawl, who folded towels and swiped cards at the gym I used to work out at.

Additionally, Colie, from MTV's Real World: Denver, running on the treadmill next to me at that gym.

Shari Lewis, creator of Lamb Chop's Play-Along, at Target.

Chuck Palahniuk doing a reading of his short story Guts at a library in Chicago and making a skinny goth kid in front of me faint when he described sticking hardened candlestick wax into a penis slit.

Too many professional sports athletes to count.

Various news anchors.

Getting picked on by comedian D.L. Hughley, who kept asking me questions as I sunk deeper into my first row seat. When I looked around bashfully, he yelled, "Well I ain't see any other Chinese people here but you, fool!" Adding fuel to the fire, I corrected him by saying I was Vietnamese.

The lead singer of Papa Roach, making out with a friend of a friend in the VIP room of a bar. A bunch of us peeked in and smiled, and the lead singer looked up and stuck his tongue out like he was Gene Simmons or something.

Michael Moore, in front of the Loews Theater in midtown Manhattan on the night of Fahrenheit 9/11's nationwide premiere, chatting it up with people about Bush. Although he looked shorter and frumpier in person, I was slightly intimidated for some reason and decided not to say hi.

Governor Blagojevich, after a Cubs game. He swore a lot and his breath stunk of Old Style.

Poor Eric Roberts, older brother of Julia Roberts, indignant when I had no idea who the hell he was while making small talk with him on the set of The Dark Knight.

Way too early in the night to be drunk, I had fun mocking a homeless person with a speech impediment that we'd seen on the subway earlier that evening. But then my friend suddenly stopped laughing and turned pale. I thought it was because she spotted that homeless guy near us, but it turned out to be much, much worse than that. Apparently Julia Stiles had been walking behind me and shot a nasty look in my direction after hearing the entire thing.