Little known fact about me: I'm a top ten Tetris player in the world, seriously

So I'm playing Tetris and coaching an invisible group of beginners, explaining the value of choosing a favorite shape. "Tetris is life," I'm saying. "And what is life, but a series of decisions, one after another, the wisdom of your selections ascertaining the quality of your life?"

Predictably, everyone picks the long skinny one like the stupid jerks they are. Every last one. "Oh it's like finally banging the homecoming queen," they say, like their private schools even had one. "Sliding it on home for the big bonus."

And I say: "But what about the t-shape?" And they look at each other and shrug and roll their eyes, like: Top ten in the world my ass. "Nothing is more flexible," I say. "Nothing is ready for any eventuality like the t-shape."

And these fools, they laugh and present their cootie-catchers to each other and have too-quick intercourse in the nooks where their parents keep the washers and dryers. They don't have the slightest idea.