I'm back

Well, that turned out to be a short-lived sabbatical. I'm embarrassed.

What I've learned in the past week is that my addiction to blogging is much more serious than anyone had previously thought. But, big deal. If I ever threaten to leave my baby again, please, people, just slap me across the face and sit me down in front of my laptop and guide my fingers to the keyboard. Don't just stand there idly as I sweat and convulse my way through withdrawal. For goodness sakes.

I'll tell you what I've been up to lately, other than twitching. I've been working on my Robin Williams impersonation, just to see. Really. Frank Caliendo's the shit these days, so even during great conversations with friends I'll suddenly excuse myself to run into the dingy bathroom of the bar I'm at, all so I can study my reflection in the mirror while squinting cheerfully and saying at 90 MPH: "Ooh look, it's Liza Minnelli!"

That Frank Caliendo sure is a hoot, but a thought occurred to me yesterday while watching a replay of the Mike & Mike in the Morning interview where he was promoting his new show, Frank TV. In the last five years, has he ever used his own voice for more than an hour straight? Does he have a girlfriend? Does he even get laid?

I don't know if Caliendo realizes it, but he gives the same interview every time. It's people begging him to do his Madden, his Bush, his Pacino. It's people saying, "Hey Frank, show us your Barkley! Say 'turrible' for us, Frank!" Saying, "Do your Nicholson!" Saying, "Do an impersonation of me. Can you do it? Frank! Do me."

There's this urban legend that the actor who used to play the Lone Ranger never took off his costume when he went home at night. It makes me wonder if Frank Caliendo, the happy-go-lucky Frank that we see on FOX NFL Sunday, is haunted by his vaudeville talent, spending countless nights sobbing on the kitchen floor, muttering to himself in Christopher Walken's voice.

I was thinking about all that yesterday, and immediately made a connection to my decision to quit my blog. My easy explanation to anyone asking me WHY??? has been because I wanted more free time to work on my novel, but really, I quit because I didn't want to be known as the Blog Guy anymore. I had grown tired of people asking me, "Did you really tan your penis black?? Can I see?"

But now that a week has passed, I feel silly. Did I really just spend an entire week wallowing in my there's-more-to-me angst? I mean, look at Julia Roberts, who nearly destroyed her career in the mid-90s by taking on projects that she thought would showcase her dramatic acting, like Mary Reilly. It took My Best Friend's Wedding to get her back on track.

Not that my novel won't get finished -- I'm currently riding several waves of epiphanies -- but sometimes, for everyone's sake and especially your own, it's best to just stick to what you do best, even if it's romantic comedies and you're Julia Roberts.