Slacker

On the Fridays I have off every other week, they say I'm supposed to be studying for the certification exams that will one day make me a fully credentialed actuary, a distinction that is called a Fellow, which actuaries insist is better than being called a Ph.D., but instead I prefer to do things like get haircuts, or piss senior citizens off at golf courses. My next exam is coming up this November, which didn't worry me before because I'm not too shabby a crammer when the baseball season is over, but now I'm scared out of my mind because just last week I was informed that I've been signed up, along with a few other coworkers, to take a three-day seminar during the middle of this month which concludes with a practice test that management will get the results of and use to determine whether or not they will continue to take me out for free lunches. My boss must know that I've been getting haircuts and pissing senior citizens off every other Friday, because she flashed me this knowing, slightly sadistic smile when she saw how pale I got after being told about the practice test, and she literally said to me, "But you shouldn't have a problem, Pete, because I know you've been studying like a maniac, semi-colon, close parens."

Yeah. So, instead of three months, I have two weeks to become a genius. Hoo boy.