Greatest hits

500 points to Gryffindor if you can tell me what the title of this entry is referring to. (Hi Larry. What up, Frank.)

There's a term used by message board fanboys called "jumping the shark," an expression attributed to TV shows that have passed their peak and begun resorting to gimmicks in order to hang onto their viewers. This usually happens when one of the characters become pregnant, like in Full House when Rebecca gave birth to twins.

Or when the theme music takes an evolutionary turn for the worst, like when one of the last seasons of The Cosby Show had that god-awful hip hop themed intro with all of them breakdancing in front of a brick wall covered with graffiti -- that's when the show jumped the shark. By the way, I still think that the Hawaiian themed symphony orchestra intro where all of the Huxtables are doing spirit fingers over Bill Cosby's face until they finally reveal him is by far the best.

Remember how cool those Family Matters episodes were when Urkel transformed himself into the suave Stephon Urqell? Yeah, they were on the fringe -- especially because it was getting exponentially harder to hide Jaleel White's deepening voice and growing biceps -- but the Stephon episodes weren't what made Family Matters jump the shark. No, it wasn't until Urkel became Bruce Lee for a day by drinking a concoction he called "Bruce Juice" that I started changing the channel.

Seeing as how the end of this blog is looming, I wonder if Ill Noise has jumped the shark yet. I have noticed that my unique visitor hits have taken a substantial dip ever since I revealed that Pete Nguyen and Peter Nguyen are in fact not the same person.

But like all good long-running TV shows, if I'm going to end this thing right, I have to start pulling on the nostalgia strings, like what they did with the final episodes of Seinfeld, where everything was just montages of clips of Kramer entering Jerry's apartment in various fidgety ways, Elaine dry-heave dancing, George overreacting, hundreds of catchphrases, and the like.

So, here are a bunch of lists of my favorite posts, organized by categories...

BEST POSTS ABOUT THINGS THAT COULD ONLY HAPPEN TO ME:
--The worst place to lose your keys
--Checking the blindspot
--Raining on his parade
--The king of underwear

BEST POSTS ABOUT MY FRIENDS:
--Bogatitan
--Sunshine state of mind
--Roy
--Ambiguously gay
--Yellow cup or: token post about Stewart

BEST "PETE IS AN IDIOT" POSTS:
--My black penis
--Mr. Fix-it
--Below freezing
--Where does the Easter Bunny get his breakfast? IHOP!

BEST POSTS THAT HAVE PISSED ROOMMATES OFF AND CAUSED AN AWKWARD LIVING SITUATION:
--Hellhounds

BEST POSTS THAT WILL MAKE YOU DESPISE ME:
--Securing our spots in hell
--Sphinx
--Another reason why I'm a jerk
--Watercooler talk

BEST POSTS THAT WILL MAKE YOU THINK THAT I'M NOT SUCH A BAD GUY AFTER ALL AND PERHAPS I SHOULD BE THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN:
--Laugh
--Grief, Part 1
--Her Vietnamese name, translated to English, means: "Miracle of Tomorrow"
--You sucks!
--Text message

BEST GROSS-OUT POTTY HUMOR POSTS THAT I SHOULD HAVE KEPT TO MYSELF AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT READ:
--Balloons
--I promised a diarrhea post, so here's my diarrhea post
--Good thing I didn't brush my teeth with it

BEST POSTS DENOUNCING ORGANIZED RELIGION THAT FLOODED MY INBOX WITH HATE MAIL FOR WEEKS BUT I DIDN'T CARE BECAUSE I HAD SO MUCH FUN TELLING THE STORY:
--Angie 3:16

BEST WHINY SPORTS ANGST POSTS:
--Orange
--Broken
--Kobe

So there you have it. A compilation of the best that Ill Noise has to offer. But I've just realized something. This is must be my Bruce Juice episode entry.