Spider-man no more
As a kid, I used to read my Spider-man comic books under the covers at night with a flashlight.
I used to run around the living room, pretending I was webslinging around New York.
I used to daydream in class about what my favorite Spider-man nemesis, Venom, would look like in real life.
I liked Spider-man so much because I could identify with him. Not only is his name Peter, but he's geeky, he's exuberant, he's got a good heart, and most admirably, he's got a sense of humor and levity.
These were qualities, as a ten-year-old boy, that represented the kind of man I wanted to be when I grew up.
...
Last night, when the line into the theater finally started moving, I shuddered a bit, then turned to Frank and said, "Dude, I can't wait to see Venom. You know, I've waited 15 years for this night."
...
Later, when we were all seated and the entire theater buzzed with anticipation, I quietly told May why it wouldn't be a perfect night. "Lynn should be here for this," I complained. "Of all people, she should know how important this is to me. I don't ask much from my sister, but there's three events in my life that I expect her to show up to: my wedding day, the birth of my child, and Spider-man."
...
And then the movie began. And sucked.
Remember how disappointing and shockingly bad Rocky V was? Yeah, it was that level of bad.
It's 9 am, the next day, and I'm still in shock about it. I knew coming in that the reviews weren't too favorable, but nothing could prepare me for the garbage I wasted 2 hours and 20 minutes watching last night.
I mean, come on. Emo Peter Parker with eyeliner? King Kong Sandman? THE JAZZ CLUB?? Venom with the weird-ass mouth?? THE JAZZ CLUB?? One-eyed snowboard flying Harry teaming up with Spider-man??? THE JAZZ CLUB??!!
I've never been so let down in my entire life. I'm heartbroken.
In order to salvage the evening, my group of friends and I had a couple drinks at P.J. Clarke's. We were sitting outside of the bar, sipping Coronas and Bud Lights, when some guy with a Spider-man backpack walked past. "Hey Pete, look! A Spider-man backpack!" Scott exclaimed.
I sighed, then buttoned up my shirt to the highest notch so that the Spider-man costume I was wearing underneath could no longer be visible. Then I shook my head and said, "Three hours ago, I would've thought that was the coolest thing. Now, I see that loser over there with the backpack? And I just think he's a friggin' dork."
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10 Comments
These are things I hated that wasn't on your list:
-The Butler
-The hair
-Peter's piano skills
-Kirsten Dunst singing
That sucks man. I genuinely feel bad for you.
Pete, i want you to see that movie again, i dont think it was as bad as you think it was. I think that by claiming that night would be "the greatest night of your life", you placed too high of expectations on the movie. It was a good movie...maybe even very good. It did have its flaws...i agree with you about venom, he sounded like a high pitched cat. His face was fine, but he is NOT a black spiderman. He is a larger, faster, deadlier creature in the comics...in this movie...well i dont want to spoil anything. The jazz scene was painful, as was dunsts' singing (although she did look pretty), Peters' hair was awful, emo peter blew.
But lets look at the positives, the fight scenes were awesome, I thought Harry and the sandman shined (godzilla sandman i think happens in the comics..i think), i really enjoyed sandman and thought his look was dead on, and it was for the most part entertaining. Hell, even the bad parts were so bad that you just had to laugh. Anyways, see the movie again, and with lower expectations I think you will be at peace with the movie. Just pretend venom is on mute =)
It's the curse of Marvel film franchises. The first one is cool and a sign of things to come, the second is brilliant and makes the first look pathetic by comparison, and the third becomes a let down of titanic proportions.
It happened with X-Men, now Spider-Man. Who next, Marvel, who next?
Now you know how us Matrix fans feel, except we didn't even get a decent second movie.
yeah i saw it last night and almost walked out 3 different times. a very poor end to the spiderman franchise.
Pete, I came here expecting to see you so happy about finally seeing your dream movie. I feel really bad that you didn't enjoy it that much! However, maybe Dan won't make me go see it now!
Now I am GLAD Ron saw it while I was out of town. Sounds like it is something I don't need to sit through. It is a shame you are so disappointed though. Just pretend it didn't happen! =)
Dead_, I think in cinema in general there's always been the "trilogy curse." It's not just been exclusive to Marvel. Look at the Superman and Batman franchises. Outside of comic book movies, look at the Die Hard franchise, or even The Godfather.
I really like your comparison with Spider-man and X-Men though. I was very irritated by how Brett Ratner didn't take Phoenix very seriously, the same way that Sam Raimi made Venom a joke in this movie. The Dark Phoenix Saga was one of the most important storylines of 1980s comic books, yet Ratner failed to take advantage of this cinematic opportunity. In Raimi's case with Venom, this villain has been by far the most popular in comics for the last decade and a half, but he the way he was handled on the big screen reduced him to pathetic, one-dimensional monster.
Mark, I was a huge Matrix fanboy a few years back. I checked out the message boards all the time, and totally bought into all of that Joel Silver hyperbole that these movies would change the world. Although I wasn't even close to satisfied by both sequels, I didn't want to walk out of the theater the way I did with Spider-man 3.
no offense, but it seems silly to me to kill a lifelong interest just because a film adapation of it wasn't that great. you should remember why you liked spider-man as the comic to begin with, and realize that a movie of it doesn't change what it is at all
and come on, I know the movie was flawed, I know it wasn't great, I know it had its disappointments (mainly Venom) but you're being too judgmental about it. but really, i grew up with spider-man too, this is just a movie adaption, compared to everything else spider-man, this is miniscule at best, and you should realize that if anything, you're insulting yourself if you're going to let some dumb movie kill your interest you've had since childhood