In the spirit of Singles Awareness Day

I've known too many guys that, out of either their fear of being lonely forever or just plain old horny desperation, lowered their standards in women and have since been stuck with embarrassing atrocities. I once had a buddy who met up with some chick from over the internet, and when he finally got around to showing me her pictures I was stunned to see that she had an Adam's apple.

I'm sure she (he?) had a great personality, though.

Of course, guys like my buddy don't know how to reject even the ugliest girls that show interest; these two ended up dating for a couple months. I kept asking my buddy to introduce me to his girlfriend, so one night he finally invited me to have a couple drinks with them at a local bar.

It was the quietest evening I've ever spent with friends. All night, I could not stop staring at her (his?) huge knuckles. About ten minutes before last call, when she (he?) left us to go to the ladies restroom (or men's??) I gulped yet another shot of tequila to muster the courage to ask him this: "So... Um, have you and her had sex yet?"

And my friend, my desperately horny friend, he answered, "Nah, man. She won't let me get into her pants yet."

I looked away and snickered as softly as possible, "Gee, I wonder why."

And I'll never forget how he responded to that. He snapped, "Look Pete, I'm not dense. I know you think she's a tran. You think I haven't noticed that her shoulders are noticeably bigger than mine, and that her hands are really veiny?!"

"Don't forget about the knuckles..."

"Oh just shut up and keep jacking off to your issues of Maxim or whatever it is you jack off to. Samantha's a great girl. She may not put out, but she gives the best head I've ever had."

A few weeks later, I found out that they broke up. My theory is he finally got into her (his) pants.

There's a simple moral to this story, and that moral is: DON'T SETTLE. DON'T JUST DATE ANY GIRL THAT WILL HAVE YOU. Everyone always gets on me for being so picky and for remaining single for so long, but as the saying goes, it's better to have never loved at all, than to have loved a tranny.