Moonlighting

Part of the reason this blog hasn't been updated as frequently in November that it was in October is because lately I've been taking on some freelance web design projects in order to help finance my Vegas trip this spring. Web designing is a piece of cake to me, especially if the client isn't looking for anything innovative and is easily wowed by the basic header-and-two-column layout that I've been recycling over and over again for the past five years.

As far as side jobs go, I think web designing is the way to go, because it pays well and I never break a sweat the way a part-time bartender would. By the way, someone needs to remind me to tell Dave that he can't make the cover of Forbes one day by repeatedly buying and reselling videogames on Ebay twenty hours a week just to make his $200 to $300.

My current web design project, however, has me thinking twice about it all: I'm currently working on a gay porn site. As they say, it's a dirty job but someone's got to do it.

Under most normal circumstances, I'd stretch out about 4 or 5 hours worth of work throughout a week to complete a site, but in this case it's taken me about two weeks to do, and I'm only halfway done. The reason it's taking so long? It's nearly impossible to work on a website when you're trying to look away from the pictures the entire time. I work on gay photos with the same wincing frown a father has when he removes a baby's stinking diaper and tosses it into the trash.

I'm not homophobic or anything, but that doesn't mean that I'll ever become desensitized to male-on-male fellatio and anal sex.

How many pictures of guys swallowing pink cocks I've had to endure in the last week and a half is none of your business.

And the worst, the absolute worst thing, is when I'm working on a graphic of some Mexican dude licking another Mexican dude's hairy cojones on Photoshop and I can hear my roommate walk past my room, so in a panic I try to switch windows on my computer, but my archaic Compaq always freezes up on me whenever I make any sudden movements, which makes me want to piss my pants because I wouldn't know what to say if my roommate walked in on me sitting in front of a computer with a picture of gay scrotum licking, front and center, so the only thing I can do is turn off my monitor and run to my door to lock it.

Sigh. Maybe I should take up bartending.