Oceanic Flight 815
I'm off to Florida for the weekend to visit Angie and Missy, and for Melanie's wedding.
Currently I'm in Cincinnati, via the scariest connecting flight I've ever been on.
It was a small plane, so I felt everything, especially those sudden 15-20 degree wobbles the plane did right before landing. It lasted about 30 seconds, causing me to clutch my knee.
"Shit," I said, closing my eyes, trying not to think about how today is Friday the 13th. "I can't go out like this. Not in fucking Cincinnati."
The guy next to me, window seat, he was a born-again Christian reading C.S. Lewis' The Problem of Pain whom I had the pleasure of debating theology with for a few minutes during the flight. And he said, "If God wills it, He wills it."
And I said, "Go fuck yourself."
I clutched my knee harder as the plane continued wobbling side to side and said, "The problem of pain, dude, is it fucking hurts when you're hurled to the ground at 400 miles per hour in a fiery ball of screaming, melting steel."
The wobbling soon stopped, and the plane landed without incident. I'm glad to be alive, but pissed that our pilot apparently was a rookie.
Minutes later, as I walked down the aisle and looked dead straight into the eyes of our pilot, who was smiling and saying goodbye to all of the ruffled passengers, I said to him, "Work on those landings. Please."
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7 Comments
Great post.
Funny thing about Katie and me is that we always seem to get pilots who are "retiring right after this flight." This has happened, I believe, three times now. I would be a bit freaked out, but they have a boatload of experience and typically several family members aboard as well. I guess if it winds up sucking, I know I'll never have to worry about flying with them again.
Why didn't you get a SWA flight direct to Florida?
or better yet AirTran! Thats the way to get to basically anywhere in florida for uber cheap from MDW (might have to stop in HOT-Lanta, but you like that stuff I heard ;) )
if you were to crash on an island Lost style, id peg you to become the Locke of the island. im glad your ok sweet pea.
Hope the combination of the wobbly plane and your righteous indignation didn't mess up your hair.
Wuss!
From Cali w/Love,
Mark
Vulgar, but funny as always.
So I flew in from Italy last night and found out that the homeland security level was raised to orange, which got me slightly on edge on my flight back here. I hate those panic inducing color codes.
At least I'm back home and on the ground.