Deformity
Like clockwork, it happens every winter as soon as the weather starts to turn cold: my lips become very chapped, and a ring around them will start to form. Soon, I'll begin every other sentence by licking my lips. I'll be the Asian LL Cool J.
Does anyone else have this problem? Am I the only one in the world?
The embarrassing part is when I plaster half of a chapstick onto my lips. Someone always makes a note of it, just like this morning when a coworker of mine uncomfortably asked if I was wearing lipstick.
"Don't be ridiculous," I said, licking my lips.
I licked my lips some more and joked, "My lips are shiny because of all the chapstick I put on, and they're big and bright red because of the chlamydia I caught the other day going down on a pigeon. Dirty creatures, I tell ya!"
Suddenly, the president of the company walked in.
RSS
6 Comments
Sounds sexy, Pete.
Useful tip: go to a Bath and Body, and pick up a C.O. Bigelow lip buffer. Those work like magic. They also sell non-shiny man-sticks (which is my way of saying man chapstick, however it came out more like a euphemism for penis). You probably don't want to consider taking beauty tips cause it's creepy, but would you rather lick your lips at every Tom, Dick, and Company President?
What a coincidence, I got gonorrhea from a turtle over the weekend.
I swear, bee pollen takes care of it all. I learned my leason after I spent it with a polar bear.
Happens to me. I must be half Asian.
WTF is wrong with chlamydia?
:)
Post a comment