Where does the Easter Bunny get his breakfast? IHOP!

You’ll never feel dumber when you rattle your pockets to see if you have everything before you leave IHOP at three in the morning, and discover to your sickening horror that your wallet is missing, so you go back to your booth to confront the busboy, but he hasn’t seen it, so you’re like WHAT THE FUCK, I HAD MY WALLET IN MY HANDS LITERALLY JUST 30 SECONDS AGO! I PAID FOR OUR FOOD WITH A BIG FAT TWENTY FROM OUT OF MY OWN WALLET! AND NOW MY WALLET’S GONE! and people start stretching their necks to catch a glimpse of the loud Asian who is red-faced not only from being piss-drunk, but out of belligerence, and then you single out the oaf nearby who kind of looks like a Down’s Syndrome version of Ja Rule and say YOU TOOK IT, DIDN’T YOU?! YOU SAW MY WALLET LAYING ON THE TABLE AFTER I LEFT AND SNATCHED IT, DIDN’T YOU?! and then you realize that this big black guy might be none other than Shaun Pruitt, so you quickly apologize and turn around, and then you push your demanding index finger into the manager’s chest because leaving your name and phone number to him is not good enough — you want to actually see the video surveillance tapes — and when the manager calmly asks you what the wallet looks like, you reply IT’S THE ONE THAT SAYS BAD MOTHERFUCKER, but the manager isn’t amused and asks you to check your pockets one more time, so you decide to check the bottom side pockets of your khaki shorts that you always forget you have, and find that your wallet has been there the whole time, so you say WHOOPS! SORRY ABOUT THAT! FOUND IT! and start grinning sheepishly as you leave IHOP to the applause of the entire restaurant.