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Valentine's wishlist

I know what you girls want tomorrow. A dozen roses. Or a single rose. Both work fine, apparently.

Flower petals leading to a tub full of lukewarm bubble bath water. Candles. A glass filled with ’96 Château Lafite Rothschild Pauillac. If you’re black, you’ll want some Luther playing in the background, or the Isley Brothers. If you’re white, I don't know... Clay Aiken? You’ll also want doors opened for you and chairs pulled out. Poetry. Godiva chocolates. Earrings. I love yous. A night of strong but gentle sex. Cuddling afterwards.

And that’s a great formula, if you’re into that sort of thing. Now here’s what’s on my wishlist:

  1. Jessica Alba
  2. Natalie Portman
  3. Rachel McAdams
  4. Maria Menounos
  5. Elisha Cuthbert
  6. Stacy Dash
  7. Melissa Theuriau
  8. Rose Byrne
  9. Eva Longoria
  10. China Chow
  11. Jennifer Garner
  12. Josie Maran
  13. Sarah Silverman
  14. Monica Bellucci
  15. Beyonce Knowles
  16. Mandy Moore
  17. Rachel Ray
  18. Naomi Watts
  19. Halle Berry
  20. Jessica Simpson
  21. Kate Bosworth
  22. Vida Guerra
  23. Ali Landry
  24. Brittany Murphy
  25. Alyssa Milano
  26. Leann Tweeden
  27. Jessica Biel
  28. Kate Beckinsale
  29. Michelle Yeoh
  30. Lindsay Lohan
  31. Huang Sheng Yi
  32. Anna Faris
  33. Two turtle doves
  34. Patridge in a pear tree
  35. Stick of gum
  36. A night of strong but gentle sex with all 32 women at the same time while I chew on my stick of gum and watch, with wild fascination, the two turtle doves double-teaming that poor partridge in the pear tree.
Monday, February 13, 2006

7 Comments

#1 Frank

Is it bad when someone refers to your site as "sexist", and people are upset over the wife comment in your last blog...yet i dont remember reading anything sexist? haha. Going straight to hell we are

February 13, 2006 05:36 PM
#2 Joanna

ill-noise.com: Objectifying women since 1981

I'm just kidding! :)

February 13, 2006 07:02 PM
#3 Larrballs

Where is Evangeline Lily from "Lost" on that list? No list is complete without her, even if the list has nothing to do with sex or women. Every list must include her or it is worthless.

February 13, 2006 09:27 PM
#4 zine

You forgot to put Sumo-girl on your list.

February 14, 2006 02:46 AM
#5 Ronny

at least you've got a multicultural thing going on.

ill-noise.com: we're sexist, but not racist

February 14, 2006 03:52 AM
#6 Tasha

Here's a nice little stat. You've got a list of 32 women. Now let's say all 32 women wrote a list of the 32 people they want, that's 1024 spots open. What are the chances that you'd be on that?

Depress you a little?

There's my little shout out to the people who think you're blog may be a little sexist (although myself, I don't know where that's coming from).

February 14, 2006 11:10 AM
#7 Heather

How ironic. Before coming here and seeing your Valentine's Day wishlist, I just wrote a post about how I don't need flowers or other things like that. Kind of funny what people always assume other people want. Enjoyed your post!

February 14, 2006 01:49 PM