Rost in Transration
You might have heard this ethnic joke before:
There’s a Spanish guy, this Russian guy, and this Korean guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, “You’re in charge of the cement.”
And to the Russian guy: “You’re in charge of the dirt.”
And to the Korean guy: “You’re in charge of the supplies.”
Then he says, “I’ll be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good, or you’re fired.”
The end of the day comes and the boss returns to check on them. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, “Good work,” to the Spanish guy.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, “Good work,” to the Russian guy.
He doesn’t see the Korean guy anywhere so he asks, “Where the heck is the Korean guy?”
All of a sudden the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt, waves his hands in the air, and yells: “SUPPLIES!!!”
And you all remember this hilarious exchange from Lost in Translation:
Premium Fantasy woman: Mr. Kazu sent me, premium fantasy. My stockings. Rip them. [sounds like “lip them”]
Premium Fantasy woman: Rip my stockings. Yes, please, rip them.
Bob: What?
Premium Fantasy woman: Rip them. HEY! Rip my stocking!
Bob: Hey? Lip them? Lip them? What?
Some Asians, most notably the Japanese, have trouble telling the difference between the English “r” and “l” because the sounds don’t exist in their language. They struggle with the distinction so much that during World War 2, GIs chose passwords like “rabble-rouser” or “rubbernecker” just to give the Japanese fits.
My professor, I’ll call her Professor J, is also one of those unfortunate Asians who cannot get her r’s and l’s right.
She’s a cute old lady, my professor is — especially because she starts off the beginning of every class by showing a picture of her beautiful newborn granddaughter — but for the life of her she CANNOT pronounce the name of our 40th president. Now, I once had an Asian calculus professor during undergrad that would pronounce the word “alpha” like “arpha” and I thought it was so funny that one time it even made me fart in class. But for Professor J, it’s different. My respect for her as a person and an intellect has never allowed me to dare laugh at her English-speaking ability. The same goes for the rest of my class too. Maybe it’s just a grad school thing and we’re all too mature to snicker at the lady’s accent, but I’d also like to think the reason we refuse to be insensitive is because we all love her and the way she teaches.
So it’s just a shame that I caved in today and showed my true assholish colors. I’m such a jerk. But it was so funny.
She was briefly discussing a basic statistical concept called degrees of freedom, and of course, she pronounced it “deglees of fleedom.”
I snorted. “It’s degrees of freedom.”
Professor J looked slightly annoyed that I interrupted, and she said, “Ah yeah deglees of fleedom.”
I hadn’t eaten lunch yet and I was feeling that goofy, wormy, I-don’t-give-a-fuck feeling I sometimes get when I haven’t eaten in a long time. I snorted again and said, “No, degrees of freedom.”
“Yeah DEGLEES OF FLEEDOM that’s what I say!”
This really gave me an intense case of the giggle attack, as I just sat there looking down at my book with a hand covering my mouth, my chair vibrating and squeaking from all my giggling. It must have been contagious too, because the rest of the class joined me in growing a little giggly.
Professor J cleared her throat and continued, “So anyway, we have vector of residuars. How do you constrain to a space of a smarrer dimension?”
The entire class exploded in laughter.
And Professor J’s face turned redder than an Asian doing shots of Grey Goose.
“Crass.” she said, making me think that she was trying to say we were acting rude and undignified, when in fact she was saying class. “Crass. Prease stop raughing. Attention crass. I need to continue my recture. Prease stop raughing...”
But no, we didn’t stop raughing. No one could. Professor J rooked to the right, and saw us raughing, and she rooked to the reft, and saw us raughing. We raughed rearry roud. For a while. And it took every reserve of our rip-biting willpower plus a good five minutes for our entire crass to settle down and stop raughing and raughing and raughing...
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18 Comments
you're a jackass
Having gone to UCRA for grad shchool, I heard this soma kinda engrish arr duh time. Chinese are the worst culprits in my estimation. I would like to point out an old but good one from revenge of the nerds:
"what the FUCK are robster craws?!?"
;)
Don't you hate how in all your math and science classes at college there are alyways foreign people teaching it? I'm in no way against foreigners but it's frustrating for me to learn something when I can't understand the teacher. This isn't a racist statement, I'm just telling it like it is, and I wish schools would hire teachers with a stronger grasp of English.
Brent, foreigners that come to the U.S. to study have an incredibly tougher time learning, I'm sure, than you do. And I don't see them complaining.
its not about who its 'tougher' for. you dont get a prize for having a tough time. while I agree that the most important qualification for a science prof. is not his ability to speak english, i do not agree that asians(broadly) are superior at teaching/mastering science.
secondly, arent foreign students supposed to pass that TOEFL? if you actually knew my language as opposed to having the chinese gov. send in false scores/letters of rec., then it might not be so tough...
I can share similar feelings with Stewart's first comment. Some of my most difficult classes in college have been taught by Chinese and Indian students. Bless their hearts, they're much smarter than I, but it was very difficult to learn an advanced subject --made even more difficult by a person I could barely understand.
Nonetheless, Stewart's second comment was just ignorant. All the international students I have ever met have perfect writing skills. Foreigners often have a command of the English language and understanding of nouns and verbs that surpass the average American's.
They have most certainly passed their English as a second language tests, and I can guarantee you that no government aided them in doing so. I don't know where anyone would get that sort of ignorant idea.
I was in school for a long time; in a scientific discipline at two universities that adhere to policies that admit a dis-proportionate number of asian students. My opinion cannot be ignorant, what I experienced is a reality:
1. Being in a CS research group with grad students from China that could not formulate sentences in english; would bring meetings to a halt while stammering through them. These students supposedly EACH got perfect scores on the GRE.
2. From discussions with the dir. of grad admissions in statistics at an SEC university, saying that each year he would repeatedly receive the same letter of recommendations for different students from the equivalent of the President, yet none could speak english beyond a few words.
3. If rampant cheating WASN'T going on in asia, why did they stop giving the computer based GRE and certain subject tests there for a period in 2003-2004? Because the answers were being given out by the proctors, and because you can use the internet in the test rooms. Theres your 'superiority'.
To be fair, at UCLA, I knew some kids from hong kong that spoke basically the best english I have ever heard. Anyone can learn any language probably, so if you took a select group of americans and taught them chinese for many years, then im sure they would also, "have a command of the English language and understanding of nouns and verbs that surpass the average" person in china.
If I write something here, know that I care about it, know that I am an expert on it. You cant correctly call someone ignorant that you dont know.
-Protecting OUR Borders, Language and Culture since 1999
Stewart, I don't know what universities you attended, but if they supposedly knew people were cheating and still accepted them, why isn't that widely known or put to a stop? Is there a Chinese wall involved?
Also, if rampant cheating was occuring in Asia and (you say that) these students don't understand or speak English, how did they stay in school? Did the US university help them cheat as well? I'm honestly confused what kind of university admits students that are completely useless... Sounds like a conspiracy to me!
Lastly, I've never heard of universities that "adhere to policies that admit a dis-proportionate number of asian students." From what I know Asians are hardly the majority among universities across the nation. Other than University of Hawaii and a few UC schools, what student bodies have a high percentage of Asians?
And, what is with your signature? Protecting Borders, Language and Culture since 1999? What are you --A MINUTE MAN??! Be more open minded, please, and accept that everyone in America is an immigrant (except for the few Native Americans that our government hasn't killed off yet).
Maybe I didnt clarify this enough, but im only talking about grad students here...
1. The university dosent care apparently that their records are falsified.
2. These are grad students; theres a difference between getting through some grad CS classes and taking all the undergrad crap.
3. They are not worthless to the research groups, they are basically getting free work out of these people. If you know univ. tech research, you know its all about proposals and grants, not necessarily results...
4. For proportions, again, im talking about math/science at the grad level. My statement is completely correct. The avg. % of international students in 'engineering' grad programs in the top 50 US schools is over 2/3.
5. You say minuteman like its a bad thing. You dont know what the word immigrant means, apparently. There was no America before us. We define what is, and what is not in this country. Dont call me an immigrant.
No reason to continue talking to Stewart... No matter what I'll say he'll always think he's right, because he can't admit to racism, ignorance, or being an immigrant. And that's the last comment you'll see from me here!
-Sharing the ever-changing US Language, Food, and Culture since 1992!
First off, I want to point out that you (Pete) are being a hypocrite by making fun of Asians (don't forget that is who you still are by the way) and then when someone (Brent) agrees with you that its hard to understand foreigners you suddenly came to the rescue of your people and responded like somewhat of an ass to him.
Second of all I find all ethnic jokes to be disgusting. There is no excuse for it and yet you think you are Chris Rock by making fun of your own people.
Last, I'm curious about Stewarts motto "Protecting OUR Borders, Language and Culture since 1999." When you say OUR you mean WE, and when you say WE you mean WHITE PEOPLE, am I correct on this? It sounds like you think foreigners are invading your (OUR) country and infecting it with non-White languages and cultural views, but if that really is your fear then you must have a very narrow view of America.
Before I begin, I just want to apologize to Brent for being a little surly in my response, as Sharhan pointed out. I'm really sorry, man. You see, the easiest way to ever draw any sort of ire out of me is to wrongfully criticize someone of something they have very little control over. If you, Brent, have trouble understanding your Asian math/science teacher, then fine, but don't let it be the reason you did bad in your class. That's just a lazy excuse.
I grew up believing that people need to be accountable for their own lives and can't just point fingers when things aren't easy... so the point in my response to you Brent is that, hey, foreign-born professors do try their very best to educate you, so why don't you try your best to learn?
I'm writing all of this fully realizing that you, Brent, were sincere in your frustration and meant no ill-feelings towards any race whatsoever. It's just the ensuing redneck comments I feared would follow: "Fuck the foreigners. Us against the world. Close the borders! Bush/Cheney '08!"
As for you Stewart, well I had no idea about the issue of foreign-born students going to U.S. grad schools through falsified GRE scores, so I can't really say much on the subject. But if that's really the case, then yeah, sure, we gotta find a way to prevent illegit chinks from coming to our grad schools.
And Sharhan, I personally don't think I'm a hypocrite, because my post really didn't have much to do with race. I could have written a similar post about how Bostonians pronounce "clam chowder" or whatever and you wouldn't have said a word.
I will make fun of a person's accent the same way I'll make fun of an obese person the same way I'll make fun of a four-eyed geek. It's all just jokes, Sharhan, and if you read my post carefully you would see that I hold Professor J in high reverence. Calling me mean is one thing, but to imply that my post was racist is totally off-base.
Also, could we quit it the whole "my people / your people" language? I really think it's silly.
sharhan, classic lib view, looking at the world as white and non-white. im glad you think you have 'white' people figured out...
as much as the NYT and CBS tell you different, WE are a majority; WE made this country on July 6, 1775. history. facts.
my tag had to do with anti-americanism, especially coming from the inside, specifically from people who werent born here/dont pay taxes here. if you want to come here legally, and our elected gov. allows it, then fine, come on in. I know and love all sorts of people, doesnt matter where you are from, what you look like. Its about actions, its about heart. Dont work your whole life to get here and then try and turn it into . If you love home that much, go back.
I think we let too many in, personally, but they way to change that is elect people that share your view to power, not whine about what you want, then try and get your way through alternate means (the judiciary, ninth circus).
Pete is right too as usual, most of this starts as jokes.
Race is too touchy a subject. Perhaps you shouldn't post any more race-related subjects unless you want your blog to become the place where sense of humor comes to die. You might wanna check to see if Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect is hanging around here somewhere.
while pete started this whole ordeal with poking fun at his own kind, its escalated quickly. i dont know about all those facts of how people get here, but i can back up stewart in saying that the majority (i'd say 90%) of grad students in engineering at NIU are foreign (indian).
some of the toughest times for me as well was trying to figure out what they were saying, when both the teacher and the grad student 'teachers assistant' speak a indian-broken english it isnt easy.
they also cannot write english very well (not that i'm much better), and have a hard time reading it. in fact on another note, ive seen a few asians with asian languaged engineering text books. either way many science subjects in college have foreign professors/grad students.
i cant say i didnt complain about those bariers in my days in college, but i obviously got through them, and graduated. i took accountability and made it through.
the worst is having a teacher that speaks so bad of english it takes you half the semester to get used to his accent. and because you cant understand everything in class you attempt to go to him after class and get more help but that is even more useless because he is the impatient type and doesnt want to slowly say every word to you, (you basically have to do the 'nod and smile' and just say uhhuh when he asks if u understand) so you basically cant get any help from anyone, and just think that i can speak the native language yet cant get help?
"WE made this country on July 6, 1775"
...uhh it was july 4, 1776 moron
It's pretty irrelevant imo when the actual date the country was formed is, but this site http://www.constitution.org/bcp/takuparm.htm can help with the date July 6, 1775.
As to all the other stuff in here, who gives a damn? The beauty of American culture is the melting pot, so that it can change and adapt; immigrants don't keep their culture alone, but they add to ours. We evolve and adapt.
I can't imagine the professors' poor English is too bad, or else someone would make it a real issue and say it's a detriment to our education system. Until that happens, I'll believe we're managing well enough. That I know of, we've got 3 people who've posted comments in here that have taken grad school classes. I believe two finished, and one is still enrolled. Molehill, meet mountain.
how did i fucking know some retard was going to 'get gully' with this one?
yes, im fully aware that The Declaration of Independence was signed on 7/4/1776. Maybe if you knew something about MY country, you would see July 6th, 1775, and know I was referencing the 'Declaration of the Causes and Necessity of taking up Arms'. Here, it was said they, "resolved to die free men rather than live as slaves."
Theres more to the makings of our independence than the cartoon you watched as a senior in high school to teach you about it.
Could you not tell from my previous posts that I perhaps know enough to not make such a serious blunder?
Think before you type a response to someone you don't know, on an issue you comparatively know nothing about.