Still haunted by my speeding ticket

This morning I was supposed to reappear in court regarding my speeding ticket from last summer and explain to the judge how I managed to miss the first half of my required two-part weekday driver safety course, and pray to God that the judge would be understanding enough to grant an extension on my court supervision. But what happened instead was when I looked at the case call list, my name wasn’t listed, so I called the county clerk’s office to see what the deal was.

After waiting on the line for 15 minutes, I had a very frustrating exchange with the traffic court lady, which went kind of like this:

HER: DuPage County clerk’s office.

ME: Yeah, hi, I have a court date today and I’m at the courthouse and my name wasn’t on the board so I was told to call this number.

HER: Name?

ME: Last name, Nguyen, spelled N-G-U-Y-E-N. First name, Peter. Middle name, Danger. Hehe. Just kidding, middle name’s Michael.

HER: What?

ME: Sorry, nevermind.

HER: [typing loudly on computer] Hmmm... Ah yes, you had a court appearance scheduled for today but it seems that someone here in the office mistakenly took you off the list.

ME: That must have been me hacking into your database again.

HER: What?

ME: Sorry, nevermind. So I don’t appear in court today, huh? Jeez, I guess I woke up early and missed class and drove all the way out here for nothing. I oughtta kill someone for the bad morning I’m having now!

HER: What?

ME: Sorry, nevermind. So... does this mean I’m off the hook?

HER: Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. We will have to reschedule a new court appearance for you... Tell me Peter, do you have an affidavit stating that you passed the driver safety school?

ME: Well, here’s the thing. I haven’t passed yet. I missed the first half of the course, BUT IT WASN’T MY FAULT. It was you guys. Not me, you. You guys gave me the wrong dates. You guys told me the class was on December 13 and 14, when it was really on the 12th and 13th. Do you know how embarrassing that was for me to come into class only to find out that I was supposed to also be there the day before? Do you know what your incompetence put me through? It wasn’t me, it was you.

HER: Sir, save it for the judge.

ME: Yeah, sure, if you guys will quit fucking up and allow me to actually see him.

HER: A notice will be mailed to your home address with details of your rescheduled court appearance. Thank you for your patience.

ME: Asphinctersayswhat?

HER: What?

ME: [laughing] Nevermind, sorry. [click]

...

You can probably guess how much of that conversation was exaggerated, which was pretty much everything past the third line. In all actuality, the lady I spoke to was extremely nice; I’m just personally a little flabbergasted by how, 7 months after my speeding violation, I still can’t seem to get past this thing. I’m annoyed that I’m still dealing with it now, and nervous about what I’ll say to the judge the next time I see him. When he asks how I missed both the first part of my driver safety course AND my court appearance, what am I supposed to say? That it wasn’t my fault? That would be too easy.