Nha Trang

I’m currently in Nha Trang, a beach town paradise located on the east coast of Vietnam.

Day 7 of the trip has me realizing that I’m pretty much the best-looking guy around these parts. It’s awesome. Most Vietnamese men here stand about five feet three inches tall and weigh just over a buck fifteen. Me, I'm a robust 5'10", 175 pounds, with hypnotic eyes and a square jaw and let me just say that being the best fish in the sea is better than I imagined it to be. I now know how Brad Pitt feels, because whenever I walk down the street I can feel horny Vietnamese women undressing me with their eyes, accompanied by resentful looks from their jealous men. I look at all of the inferior guys here and wink at them, as if to say: Yeah biatch, that’s right, you better hold your girl’s hand a little tighter, you do that, because you KNOW your woman wants to get a piece of the Pete Meat.

Today at the beach I thought about playing volleyball with some locals but when I walked past the net I noticed that it was a proportionately high 6 feet tall and just didn’t have the heart to spike the ball on them all afternoon.

Sigh. It's too bad that in a week I’ll go back to being at the bottom of the hotness ladder when I return to the U.S.

Oh and by the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR! My new years resolution is to learn how to swim, seeing as how I managed to nearly drown today only 15 feet out into the Pacific while snorkeling with a life preserver on. Luckily, no Vietnamese women were around to witness the spectacle of me panicking and hyperventilating through my breathing tube, because that would have definitely blown my cover as a hottie.

Tomorrow we’re flying out to Vietnam's capital, Hanoi. Until then, as they say here in Nha Trang: see ya later alligator.