I promised a diarrhea post, so here's my diarrhea post

Early Friday morning, 30,000 feet high above the Pacific Ocean, a couple hours after they served slimy beef and green beans with biscuits, I sat down on the toilet and took a long hot piss out of my butt. One of the passengers got tired of the lavatory sign saying “OCCUPIED” and knocked on the door loudly. Clutching my knee with one hand and holding my sweaty face with the other, I said, “Wait. Just wait.”

Splaaat!! FART. OINK! OINK! QUACK! FARRRT! Splat. WEEEEEEEeeeee.... Splat.

I opened my legs up a little and peeked through to see what I had done to the toilet bowl, and I said, “Oh God.”

And I hoped that it would go away the next day so I could move on with the rest of my life, but on Saturday the piss just turned into syrup. Or, honey.

I drank chai tea and pepto bismo to alleviate my problems, and was told to stay away from greasy foods, but I ate fried chicken anyway. Still, on Sunday I saw progress. My poo started looking like orange-brown curry.

Yesterday it started to clump together for the first time. Coagulate.

I thought surely by today I would be squirting black and brown bananas out of my butt, but no, even 4 days after it first began, my bowels are still very much in the diarrhea form.