I believe this Deadly Sin is called "sloth"

Thanksgiving Break has created a monster, and the scary thing is it’s only Day 5. Because the University of Illinois is really generous, we're given the entire week off to spend with our families, instead of just Wednesday/Thursday/Friday like I was accustomed to at Northern Illinois. Sandwich a 5-day break from classes between two weekends and what you have is essentially a 9-day weekend. Which is great, right?

Wrong.

I’ve become disgustingly, repulsively lazy. At school, when there are things to do and deadlines to worry about, I’m buzzing like a hummingbird. Sure my pigsty of an apartment looks like Hurricane Katrina went through it but that's because I honestly do not have the time to take care of it, with all my studying and working out and extra-curricular activities and chatting on AIM, ahem.

Nowadays my behavior resembles that of a glacier. A nerdy one. There is school work to catch up on but all I've been up to lately is staring at my website, watching and re-watching that new Superman Returns teaser trailer, perusing the Cubs message board in hopes that they will announce that the Cubs have signed Furcal, and rotting away on my couch eating Almond Joy snack-sized candy bars while watching DVD episodes of The Family Guy. And chatting on AIM, ahem.

This is not what you call “vacation”. This is what you call “degeneration”.

Five days into my Thanksgiving Break and I’ve become too lazy to lift the toilet seat, too lazy to even wipe up all the consequential urine that I accidentally sprayed all over the seat and tile. Too lazy to brush my teeth for the standard of three minutes. For the past few days I’ve been brushing my teeth for a good 20 seconds. By the end of the week I fully expect myself to just wet my toothbrush by quickly running it under the faucet and then retiring to bed.

Yesterday I was too lazy to check my sister Lynn’s blindspot for her and then too lazy to tell her to watch out for the SUV when I finally saw it. And then I was too lazy to get out of my car to exchange insurance information with the scary Indian lady, so I just let Lynn do all the talking and crying.

I’ve become too lazy to put my seatbelt on. Too lazy to put my contact lenses on in the morning, ignoring the fact that I bump into furniture all day long. Too lazy to wipe my ass, well. To lazy to edit thsi blog entry for misttakes and typos. Too lazy to fold all of my laundry that I pulled out of the dryer a few days ago and now it’s just laying all bunched up together in a basket in my room, slowly wrinkling away to oblivion. Too lazy to avoid gimmicky blog entries such as this one which uses repetition of the words “too lazy” in order to achieve a shallowly engaging effect. And yes, if you were unsure, “shallowly” is a real adverb. I’m not too lazy to look it up.

Right now I’m too lazy to even think of any other ways that I’ve been too lazy this week, so I'm going to stop listing stuff.

My only concern right now, really, is my health. Between my mom’s constant cooking of saturated fats and my late-night ramen noodle binges and all the Almond Joy bars I’ve been munching on, I’ve been consuming easily over 4,000 calories a day this week. I’m lucky to even burn 500 of these calories.