Aboot
Yesterday afternoon during the drive back from our short trip to Canada, my dad sucked a long puff of his cigarette and decided to get philosophical. "The Canadian people," he began. "They have a simple life -- an easiness, you see -- and from that, they are the kindest people on this earth."
It's true. Canadians are awfully friendly and easy-going. The day before when we stopped by Niagara Falls, there was this Canadian dude waiting patiently in line for the Maid of the Mist boat tour when he suddenly got shit on, right smack on the head, by a seagull. And he laughed.
Most Americans, if a seagull pooed on them, they would scream in agony and pull a nine milly out of their jacket and shoot at the nearest bird in the sky. But this dude, even with runny white doo-doo dripping from the top of his head down the sides of his cheeks into his mouth, this dude laughed joyously and asked his girlfriend to quickly take a picture of it. No wonder us Americans don't trust Canadians -- they are too nice to be true.
By the way, here's a picture of the beautiful Niagara Falls:
I asked my dad where he would rather live if given a choice between Canada and the U.S., and my dad, who had previously been gushing with compliments for our northern neighbors, changed his tune and said, "I still pick U.S. Too many Chinese in Toronto, did you see? I cannot take."
Gazing out the car window, gently blowing cigarette smoke out of his nostrils, my dad said gravely, "You know, Americans is afraid of Chinese people. Too many. Outnumber. When China and India combine their forces it be colossal. China and India together, very dangerous. The Chinese is smart son of the bitches and the Indian very good at math too. There will be a great war, many casualty."
I gave my dad a quizzical look and said, "What does this have to do with Canada?"
Maybe there was something else besides nicotine in those duty-free cigarettes that my dad bought at the Canadian-U.S. border, I don't know, but he just laughed at me and said, "The Canadian people, very naive, just like you! Immigration much more lenient in Canada, so Chinese people come over in great amount. You will see -- in your lifetime the Chinese will rise in power. Take over. Look around now, you see 'MADE IN CHINA' everywhere. The Chinese, very smart son of the bitches."
"Oh, okay."
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10 Comments
man, you make dad sound like he's Splinter, the rat in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. and it's not 'son of the bitches'...it's just 'son of bitch!'
hahahaha, your dad rocks
love your dad's 'accent'! your right, canadians are nice, but stay away from french speaking canadians, they cant be trusted.
There's an old Kids In The Hall skit that used to crack me up. I know I'm going to tell it wrong, so bear with me if you've seen it and I screw it up here. David Foley is vacationing in Jamaica and is sitting at an outdoor restaurant. The Jamaican waiter sees him and assumes he's an American, but Foley corrects him and tells him he's Candadian. The Jamaican has never heard of that, and asks what a Candadian is. Foley thinks, and says, "It's like an American, but without the gun."
poor cubbies, but it seems whenever things look bleak for them (this year at least), they tend to turn things up. FYI, I voted for scotty pods...ten times! This is clear proof that there are more sox fans then any other fan out there =)
your dad sounds like a cool/amusing guy to have a beer with.
your dads a riot, he never talks to me though, why not? too quite isnt he?
btw thats sure looks like a picture of the american falls, not niagara falls;) niagara falls are the horse shoe shaped falls, the big ones there. niagara falls are actually in canada.
oh yea... i forgot to add, why are you out there, whend you go, when you coming back, and how come i heard nothing about this?
Yeah that was actually the American falls. Both can be seen on the Canadian side though.
And I told you I was going to Canada last week.
oh ha.. yea i remember that now, but u never said the falls;) and not with your family. i thought it was another one of these 'canada trips' that youd return after you got pissed off and threw the hot mcdonalds french fries on your fellow traveler. haha;) na i just didnt realize your family was going. hope it was fun.