Explanation of my Cryptic Previous Post (and no, I wasn't high when I wrote this)

Obviously the message I was trying to convey in my last post was that I'm back in the States, but some of you still wondered what hidden meanings existed in the quoted monologue. Pundits everywhere wondered to themselves: "What is the significance of using that speech from Kill Bill Vol. 2 to announce his return? Why such a violent tone of vengeance? And metaphorically speaking, who is this 'Bill' that he speaks of?"

Some speculated that "Bill" was just a personification of my nostophobia -- my fear of returning home -- and that by saying I'm going to "kill Bill", I'm going to exorcise any past demons. Others painted a much deeper and poignant picture, suggesting that the "coma I was to lie in for four years" was analogous to my four-week stay in London, and that by "killing Bill" I was killing my homesickness. Still others believed that the entire monologue was just arbitrarily chosen to communicate that fact that I was back home because I was too lazy to think of something clever to write. The people who believed an explanation as moronically simple as this, however, were far and few between.

Everyone was convinced that Bill meant something. Everyone wanted to know, Who is Bill?

Bill. It would be our generation's "Rosebud."

At the expense of entering boundaries of weirdness that's never been attempted on even THIS site, I'm going to continue this mess of a blog entry.

Bill, my faithful readers, is Jeff. Bill is Jeff. Especially today. I returned so that I could kill him, today.

This morning I played one-on-one basketball with my sister's boyfriend, Jeff, and annihilated him. He's got guts and he's got grit, and he's even got a cute little crossover dribble, but my skillz turned out to be too much for my little Chinese friend.

Jeff couldn't stop my high-arcing three-pointers from going in. Jeff couldn't guard my zig-zag Ginobli-esque attack to the hoop. Jeff couldn't.

Maybe he went easy on me, slacking on defense because he wanted to get on my good side. After all, it was his idea that we play one-on-one basketball, which was undoubtedly a silly ploy to make me like him more. Maybe he let me win. Maybe it was his roundabout way of apologizing to me for boinking my innocent little sister.

Not that it matters. I still dominated. A win is still a win. 11 to 7. 11 to 3. I destroyed, crushed, HUMILIATED Jeff. I killed Bill.