House Party Observations

Isn't it funny how the same guys that will unload 30 or 40 bucks at the bar will freak out when you ask them to pay 5 bucks to drink all night from the keg? But we all know that's because they would rather tease themselves by buying drinks for random women at the bar than be a wallflower at a house party where dudes just want to wrestle on the kitchen floor.

I love how when there's an awkward moment of silence, the first thing that pops into your head when you're trying to start a conversation is you will point to the other person's drink and say, "Whatcha got there?" Fool, I'm drinking jungle juice. Now ask me something better.

Guys panic when girls aren't being too talkative, so they will ask the girl what's wrong. "I'm just tired," the girl will say. Translation: "I'm friggin' bored out of my mind!" The minute the guy tries to do something about it and searches his mind for something funny/charming to say, one of his buddies will drag him into the kitchen for more wrestling fun.

Remember when you were little and you thought it'd be funny to refill your cup with a mixture of each soft drink at the fountain, and then make a big deal about how gross it tasted? Yeah, it's still funny when you're mixing combinations of jager bombs, beer, jungle juice, vodka shots, and Parrot Bay.

What's with people and the Bon Jovi song, "Livin' on a Prayer"? When the chorus comes, even the wallflowers will look at someone nearby, point their fingers in the air, and yell in unison:"Whooah!..."

If you ever want me to scream a chorus to a song while drunk, you're not going to play no classic rock crap. You're going to play "Fight for your Right (to Party)" by the Beastie Boys.

You've got to fight,
for your right,
to paaaaaaaarty!