C'mon, platelets, work your magic

Can Page 4 of the Northern Star do this to you? Can this papercut make it annoyingly hard for you to bend your finger at the knuckle? Can it make it awkward for you to flip somebody off? Can it also make it difficult to type the letter "k"? Can thrombocytopenia put you at risk of bleeding to death? Can looking up medical terms on Google make you appear smarter than the average bear? Can this gimmicky blog entry end soon?

Can the worst papercut in the history of the universe put your day to a bad start?

Yes it can.