The Hottest Girl in the History of the Universe

I've just decided that my new favorite celebrity chick is Natalie Portman, and I haven't even seen Garden State yet either.

She's the current numero uno chica in a long line of numero uno celebrity chicas. First came Jodie Sweetin when I was 9. Then Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) when I was 15. Followed by a 3 year Jennifer Lopez stint which I don't like to talk about too much. By the time I was a freshman in college, I joined the Britney Spears bandwagon (this, of course, was after seeing that Pepsi commercial where even Bob Dole's dog got excited).

My Britney affair ended quickly however, because I soon discovered Jessica Alba. She was the hottest of the hot, and if you weren't impressed by Dark Angel then watch Idle Hands. You watch Idle Hands and you try to tell me Jessica isn't just the hottest tamale around.

But then I saw Honey and was turned off by her horrible acting and weak ghetto accent. She hasn't looked the same to me since. So I was confused and looked towards Julia Stiles for comfort. She's cute too, until you hear her talk. Talk about deep voice.

While I was trying to figure out if Julia Stiles was my favorite, I checked out Elisha Cuthbert and Lindsay Lohan. Thing is, Elisha has a butt chin, and when I see a butt chin I immediately think of Chevy Chase. As for Lindsay Lohan, she turned 18 just a few months ago and when I think of 18 I think of the Olsen Twins (cringe). Oh yeah, and she's waaay too freckly also. Freckles are cute on the face but a little odd-looking on the arms. It's like a bunch of tiny red ants crawling everywhere, and all that makes me do is itch my head.

I thought Josie Maran was pretty hot, but then I saw a picture of her sucking cow's utters and that's a little too slutty for me. Ashley Judd's a babe too, but kind of old.

So yeah, it's all about Natalie Portman now. Babelicious to the tenth degree of babeness. Killer eyebrows, exotic looks. She's smart too, a Harvard graduate. Yep, Natalie Portman. She's it. Although I might go back to Jessica Alba if she ever makes a good movie.